beaten but not broken

Been awhile. Feel like a prodigal daughter coming home. 2 yrs later older yet not the wiser. Almost there yet not quit. All week I hv been torn by a decision of whether or not to lay all my cards or let them go on their merry way. is ignorance indeed bliss? Looking out for a green light but it's too far off that it jus might be an illusion. Holding out but how much longer. Many doors I need to shut n not look back. 4 s teps forward n 8 back. All I want is to float with no care in the world. Reminds me of a friend that wished for life to hv a reset button. Would I do it all over again? The realist in me says keep it moving child. Blogger, see u soon

We fall down but we get up......

''WE fall down but we get up, we fall down but we get up for a saint is just a sinner who fell down. . . and got up''Donnie Mc claukin.I am starting to believe that getting up requires some sort of skill. Hopelessness aside i have never been one to stay down so long or let alone get kicked in the first place. I always seemed to hv things all figured,was able to counter any attack or curve ball that life threw at me. Well not so much any more. Lord God forgive me. Someone once said that positivism is not the absence of difficulties but the acknowledgement that there lies a greater power than the situations we find ourselves in. Forgive me Lord for allowing my faith to be shaken n for magnifying my troubles. Loneliness so strong it feels like a noose around your neck and only getting tighter.Not for being short of company but to be engulfed by an emptiness so definite u can touch it. To crawl up into the foetal position and beg heaven to give you a hug, to have a yearning for the embrace of a power greater than us all, to feel a helplessness that you are literally drained of all strength. When all is said and doe, you are alive, its a brand new day and his mercies r new every morning and for that Lord i will push on and i will praise you. I will love for you have loved me

%&*#@!?"®¢§￦

sigh n again n again n. A few mins ago I broke down n strangely enough with it came incomprehensible relief. For a split second it hit me that I am making 17 years without a mother given that in a few days al b 27. hard to believe. not quite sure whether its the former or the latter that's more shocking. wud she be proud of the person I am today? Al never know. . . . .

Hear my cry

Lord, my spirit is weak and so is my body. I feel a pang of pain that's a combination of uncertainty, disappointment and raging anger. Lord today i pray that you hold my hand through this day because i feel drained of all energy and hope. I am trying to be strong and optimistic but i am failing. Remind me father that with no expectations comes no disappointment. Feel like i am setting myself up and putting a gun to my head. Taken 2 steps in front and so many more behind. Help me find the peace m eternally searching for

To new beginnings

I am subscribing to the ideology of positive thinking in an attempt to stop casting doom upon my every endevour and not to see the ulterior motive behind every gesture. I woke up to a crappy morning but God has a way of working things out even if it means doing it thru some wacky dweeb that managed to unknowingly make me smile. thanks nympho.

So Masrata is holding their first ever "free and fair" local council elections governed by the slogan" just as u lined up at the front line, line up for the elections" as many were quoted saying finally they can exercise their rights and their comrades whose blood was shed wasn't in vain.While Masrata is draped in anticipation for a fresh start, Tripoli is engrossed in strife and unending battles with a new ruling body that hasn't registered any success yet or is it too early to tell? The moral of this story is, jus like Masrata, i too look forward to new beginnings, strong and lasting friendships, successes and the like. Here's to the positive me.....

21:16

Stand shawn stockman

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i seem to write wen under alota stress but if its a way out of it why not. 2012 feels like its out to get me yet at the same time is proving to be an adventure. every other day surprises me. I have met wat feels like the male version of me in nympho. feel like m on a journey with no map, blind folded yet still so safe. i am choosing to be happy inspite of everything, m open to learning new things n taking a peak into the lives of others n wat makes them tick. listened to ocean lab:satellite n lonely gal. i liked wat i heard. makes me wonder what else is out there that m blind to. feels like m at the beginning of my journey of self discovery which puzzles me cos shudnt this have happened when i was 18? ? ?

Fidel castro after usurping power from Baptista undertook drastic restructuring of every sector of the economy. There was gross inequality especially in service delivery.The mortality rate was alarming especially in the rural areas so he decided to redistribute all skilled doctors all over the country yet earning less than half of wat they initially were. They decided to flee cuba. He then used the remaining doctors to train university students. His philosophy was, "if u dont know,learn.If you know, teach". . . . Nympho, m willing to learn so teach me. Hold my hand n lets jump