Broken clock

Time is standing still and i have failed to wind the clock. Time is supposed to heal but instead stabs me harder. Every new day seems like the continuation of the previous and not the blank canvas i wish it to be. How does pain stay static. If it gets worse to get better i wish the worst cos then the healing would fasten but no.

Months have gone by but tell that to my heart. I never live a life of regret but this i cant help but do. To wear one's heart on their sleeve is weakness but then again atleast it shows that i have one. Today i take a step to get closure, to let the ashes spread over the water and accept the cards laid before me.

My heart is yours to keep.

2015.....A year after my very own heart

Cant help but smile.......been awhile since my last post....Missed my safe haven.
The year that was....i cant put into words. All i can say is 2016 has very big shoes to fill. Every other month had more in store for me. From random road trips to interesting new people Its always said that you should surround yourself with positive energy and i am living testimony. Never laughed so hard, lived in the moment, thrown caution to the wind and opened myself up to love...though lost.
Farewell thee 2015

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter

So as one insomniac to another that tosses and turns and is wide awake at 2a.m like clockwork, a one Under8ted advised me to practice mind over matter techniques. Basically this concept frees oneself from material ideologies and beliefs shaped by either our experiences or societal expectations. An example of this would be a woman having to be married by 30, success being measured by the amount of wealth amassed or conservative/ religious beliefs that you should not have a child out of wedlock. For the latter i am all for "to each his own...your womb your choice"
I realize that i spend a lot of time trying to catch up with my very fast paced mind and even when i am supposed to be asleep i am subconsciously drawing up budgets or rehearsing a pitch and wake up as exhausted as one that has been exercising. If only this came with the same results.Because of all this and a combination of things i constantly have stress migraines so if i have tried everything else from meds to putting myself to sleep(term used very loosely) why not try some of these techniques
I read up on them and yoga, breathing exercises all made the list but i choose to go with adjusting my thought process, living with no limitations, not over-thinking things and this brings me back to "if you don't mind it doesn't matter"

The mind is a powerful tool that will wheel your fears into existance. Doubt starts as a mere thought that is inflated into insecurity, self consciousness and mistrust. Why i ask wud i choose to give anyone or anything that satisfaction?

One of my mantras used to be "why worry when you can pray about it and if you pray about it , why worry". Might sound too simplistic but if its what i need to sleep at night, literally, then i say lets do this

A wise young man said to me not too long ago "its a conscious decision we make to love someone, to wake up every morning and decide to love that day." if he read this he would gloat endlessly to this admission. A part of me wants to put this to the test. My typical morning starts with me grudgingly getting out of bed but quickly pulling myself outta it and thanking God for the day that He has made that i will rejoice in. This i do everyday and the rest of the day flies by many times without the rejoicing i promise to do

i feel like i'm stuck in a rant, a continuous spell of monotony that i need to break and this i keep promising myself to do every single day but....

This blog post today is a form of release. I woke up happy and it slowly faded. My road rage quickly shifted from 10 to 100 in seconds but i am making a conscious decision to have a good day, to let things that would ordinarily ruffle my feathers slide and to fight off any stress induced migraines...do i hear an amen?

Rugaju you would be proud

Today i make a conscious decision to celebrate life, to take a minute and breathe, to appreciate those that have one way or another
made a difference in my life, have made me smile, have wiped my tears when i cry or merely been that silent being besides me when
calm is all that i require. I also thank those that have shown me the other side to life , that have been my realization of the mere
mortal that i am. Those that have brought me pain and helped me shed my naivety. Today i celebrate life and those that make mine
meaningful

LOGIC DEFYING PHENOMENON

From time in memorial human beings have tried to crack the code, the key to understanding the undeniable differences between the male and female species but all efforts have been rendered futile. In comes the self proclaimed relationship experts turned best selling authors, i cant help but chuckle. It always gets me thinking,these that we call experts, have they cracked this code, have they seen whats behind door 1,2,3..... and if so does it translate directly into their lives? Do they have all this figured out? the cynic in me says "definitely not". Just another ploy to capitalize on peoples vulnerabilities and dish out advice that they know people want to hear. The irony however is the fact (or subjective observation) that its the women more than their male counterparts that are tirelessly trying to understand men and how they operate and have turned these self help books into manuals of sorts that possess biblical truth. The men on the other hand seem to have made peace with the seeming reality that women are a complex piece of art and that you take them as they come. The different shades of the rainbow have nothing on them. They blow hot and cold blue yellow and red. I refuse to say we because to say so is to admit to this fallacy. I came across one of these "best sellers" and the author had a certain humor and biting "matter of fact" approach that kept me glued. Towards the end of the book was a Q n A segment where women from across the world were bearing their souls wondering why their men are not ready to settle or whether men when married prefer new sex to sex with their marital partners(quoting verbatim) and one asked why this guy she was seeing suddenly stopped calling and texting. The one thing i found interesting was the authors response to the latter. He said wen it comes to men once they are done they are done. Unlike women who need closure men move on. He clarified that we women shoudn't assume that they don't hurt cos they indeed do but that once they are done they heal by moving on to someone else. Kinda validates the theory that the fastest way to get over someone is to get under another. So i pause a question, should we continue to pursue this unending quest to decode human behavior or simply admit that women and men are wired differently, take it as it comes and live in a bubble .Disclaimer right here: I don't consider myself complex but a work in progress and how then will you try to read me as a complete piece...do tell