On christ the solid rock i stand

I am living testament of His mercies being new every morning. HE is not man that HE should lie or hold a grudge. By mortal standards i am irredeemable but i am thankful for grace and mercy.

Leonard Ravenhill said ' One that has encountered God cannot be at the mercy of a man with argument'. I believe that i have encountered God on many occasions amidst tears, laugheter, Joy and heartache. The kind of encounters i cannot sufficiently articulate for another comprehend the intensity and tangibility of my experience

I once felt heartache so deep that i felt the physical pain of it. When you break down so bad that the sobbing cannot let you utter a word of prayer except Lord hold me and in that moment you feel the warmth, an embrace in a room that has no one but yourself yet you know you are far from alone. I know God and HE knows me by name.

I have come to know Christ on a level so personal that His nature reveals itself to me in the most appropriate of times. In the recent of times i have put him to the test even with the most trivial of things that one can ask of their maker and HE never is short of amazing and humourous too.

During this lockdown period i have nmissed our car drive conversations. Yes it takes two and more to conversate but believe you me HE speaks to me not in the conventional way but still HE does speak. This same period also taught me that i don't have to restrict said interactions to the car.

.....to be continued.

Back like i never left

Where to begin.....
Its been awhile and not until today did i miss the urge to return to this my safe place, my haven. While away i lost myself on a journey to find my true authentic self. Whatever the latter means, the quest continues.Funny that i was the most confident, sharp tongued loud mouthed 30 year old going on 22. So full of life and optimism. Its been a journey, a myriad of experiences many bitter sweet. The naive child at heart i was quickly got the rug pulled from under her feet to land onto the bumpy road that is adulthood. Many i wouldn't take back, others i would. Sometimes the person staring back at me in the mirror is someone i knew years ago.

It hasn't been all bad. Along the way i learnt what true friendship is, often coming with bouts of tears, anger and rage but on most days laughter and endless conversations that kept me going.

True to the cliche, i have loved and lost, lived and parts of me have died but i rise everyday to face the world that is. As i type remind me to forget Kygo and Miguel is blaring through my ears.Every lyric of it resonates with me. I am here and i am back.

I will be seeing you soon.

Loyalty under8ted

Even after 30 years of existance 27 of which were cognitive, everyday on this earth is a lesson. Once upon my naivety, i let my guard down and thought that keeping my circles separate would gimme a cushion. Again the rug was pulled from under my feet. As i always say, pick the lessons and keep it moving. Older and wiser each new day and see things for what they are.....loyalty under8ted

MOOD

Into the Unknown
Blackchords

I see this life through the eyes of others
And on, on this night
I will bide my time

And move with these eyes, live a life
Untouched by time
I'll be waiting in the wings
I'll be here when you arrive

On your final days, they will come
Like a child you'll walk into the unknown
On your final days, when they come
Like a child you'll walk into the unknown

When you cross the line
Live a life untouched by time
On this rock its only just a glitch
And this state is only just a blink

I see this life through the eyes of others

Broken clock

Time is standing still and i have failed to wind the clock. Time is supposed to heal but instead stabs me harder. Every new day seems like the continuation of the previous and not the blank canvas i wish it to be. How does pain stay static. If it gets worse to get better i wish the worst cos then the healing would fasten but no.

Months have gone by but tell that to my heart. I never live a life of regret but this i cant help but do. To wear one's heart on their sleeve is weakness but then again atleast it shows that i have one. Today i take a step to get closure, to let the ashes spread over the water and accept the cards laid before me.

My heart is yours to keep.

2015.....A year after my very own heart

Cant help but smile.......been awhile since my last post....Missed my safe haven.
The year that was....i cant put into words. All i can say is 2016 has very big shoes to fill. Every other month had more in store for me. From random road trips to interesting new people Its always said that you should surround yourself with positive energy and i am living testimony. Never laughed so hard, lived in the moment, thrown caution to the wind and opened myself up to love...though lost.
Farewell thee 2015

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter

So as one insomniac to another that tosses and turns and is wide awake at 2a.m like clockwork, a one Under8ted advised me to practice mind over matter techniques. Basically this concept frees oneself from material ideologies and beliefs shaped by either our experiences or societal expectations. An example of this would be a woman having to be married by 30, success being measured by the amount of wealth amassed or conservative/ religious beliefs that you should not have a child out of wedlock. For the latter i am all for "to each his own...your womb your choice"
I realize that i spend a lot of time trying to catch up with my very fast paced mind and even when i am supposed to be asleep i am subconsciously drawing up budgets or rehearsing a pitch and wake up as exhausted as one that has been exercising. If only this came with the same results.Because of all this and a combination of things i constantly have stress migraines so if i have tried everything else from meds to putting myself to sleep(term used very loosely) why not try some of these techniques
I read up on them and yoga, breathing exercises all made the list but i choose to go with adjusting my thought process, living with no limitations, not over-thinking things and this brings me back to "if you don't mind it doesn't matter"

The mind is a powerful tool that will wheel your fears into existance. Doubt starts as a mere thought that is inflated into insecurity, self consciousness and mistrust. Why i ask wud i choose to give anyone or anything that satisfaction?

One of my mantras used to be "why worry when you can pray about it and if you pray about it , why worry". Might sound too simplistic but if its what i need to sleep at night, literally, then i say lets do this